My world got a lot more lonelier one year ago today.
Bevo came to me in a dream two nights ago, the same night he last slept next to me two days before he passed last year. There were a couple of times when he went quite a few seconds without breathing that night. I would say his name when I panicked and he breathed. In my dream, I felt his weight of 26 pounds as I carried him as I used to and I could feel his stare. The night before he passed was the most difficult. I didn’t want to leave him at that hospital in Campbell, alone. I am surprised I left the parking lot.
I immediately ordered the MRI the next morning and didn’t wait for them to call me with the results. I went to the hospital. Christy met me just in time when they showed me how massive his brain tumor was on the screen. I was devastated. Thank you for being there for me, Christy.
All I wanted was my Bevo with me. They let me take him home and he wasn’t looking good. I tried to make him comfortable. He couldn’t even walk in a straight line or stand for very long. He laid down just under the countertop in the living room/dining room. I grabbed a pillow and laid next to him. He turned onto his right sight, stretched and probably had a seizure. His breathing was faint and his eyes were lifeless. I put my ear to his body and can still hear a faint, sporadic pump. I’m sure I told him I loved him. And then he was gone. We were maybe home for 45 minutes. My Bevo Love waited to come home to pass and didn’t allow me to make the hard decision to put him down.
I can’t believe it’s been a year. His bed, his toys and his treat bucket are all where he left them. I don’t have the heart to move them or get rid of it. I’m not ready. The Bevo bed in Kim’s room also hasn’t moved.
Today had to be the day that I did something in Bevo’s memory. I pondered over ideas. A contender was just four, small paw prints under my left collarbone – one paw print for each letter of his name and close to my heart. I never thought I’d get a portrait tattoo but his face, that mug! It always made me smile. He was so expressive. I had to get it on the inside, just above my right ankle because he always slept between my legs and that leg bent always made an enclosed space for him. How he didn’t suffocate under the covers, idk. Plus, he was always on my right side – his bed is to the right of my bed, he’d ride shot gun in the Civic and always be to my right on the floor as I worked from home.
Oh, how I miss my Bevo. He was what I loved since first sight, my reason for coming home, the constant that would never tire of my attention, love, affection, spoiling and even silliness. He comforted me when I was sad, and boy, did he know! He was always happy to see me, missed me when I was gone greeting me with aggressive, sloppy kisses and had the energy to keep up on hikes, road trips, travels and allll the wineries. He was THE best dog. Now, he’ll always be a big part of my story and people will ask about this dog’s silly face. “That’s my guy, my Bevo.”
10/14/08 – 12/18/18